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個(gè)性說(shuō)說(shuō)
最搞笑的英語(yǔ)小笑話
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1：Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂貴的代價(jià) 牙科醫(yī)生：對(duì)不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母親：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀? 牙科醫(yī)生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了 2：I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我沒(méi)有睡著 當(dāng)一群婦女上車(chē)之后，車(chē)上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個(gè)人會(huì)坐過(guò)站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說(shuō)：“先生，醒醒!” “我沒(méi)有睡著。”那個(gè)男人回答。 “沒(méi)睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車(chē)上有女士站在我身邊而已。” 3：The poor husband "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可憐的丈夫 “你根本無(wú)法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友訴苦說(shuō)，“她問(wèn)我一個(gè)問(wèn)題，然后自己回答了，過(guò)后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯(cuò)的?！?br /> Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 誰(shuí)更有禮貌? 一個(gè)胖子和一個(gè)瘦子在爭(zhēng)論誰(shuí)更有禮貌。瘦子說(shuō)他更有禮貌，因?yàn)樗?jīng)常對(duì)女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認(rèn)為他更有風(fēng)度，因?yàn)闊o(wú)論什么時(shí)候他在車(chē)上給別人讓座時(shí)，總有兩位女士能坐下。 4：Let Dog in Hotel A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too." 一個(gè)人給一家他計(jì)劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫(xiě)了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?” 旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營(yíng)旅館很多年了，狗從沒(méi)偷過(guò)毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫(huà)。我也從沒(méi)有在半夜因?yàn)楣泛茸砗[而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實(shí)際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來(lái)我們旅館，如果它為您擔(dān)保，也歡迎您來(lái)。 5：Intelligent son One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope. After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?" "Certainly" "You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?" "I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope." "Then why you didn't take it back?" "I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!" 聰明的兒子 有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經(jīng)拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒(méi)寫(xiě)地址和收信人的名字。 兒子回來(lái)后,父親問(wèn)他:“你把信丟進(jìn)郵筒了嗎?” “當(dāng)然”“你沒(méi)看見(jiàn)信封上沒(méi)有寫(xiě)地址和收信人名字嗎?” “我當(dāng)然看見(jiàn)信封上什么也沒(méi)寫(xiě)”“那你為什么不拿回來(lái)呢?” “我還以為你不寫(xiě)地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰(shuí)呢!” 6：Put your feet in The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!" 把腳放進(jìn)去 一個(gè)女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了?！艾旣?”老師嚴(yán)厲地叫她?！笆裁词?，老師?”這女學(xué)生問(wèn)?！鞍芽谙闾菑淖炖锬贸鰜?lái)，把腳放進(jìn)去?！?br /> 7：I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我沒(méi)有睡著 當(dāng)一群婦女上車(chē)之后，車(chē)上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個(gè)人會(huì)坐過(guò)站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說(shuō)：“先生，醒醒!” “我沒(méi)有睡著?！蹦莻€(gè)男人回答。 “沒(méi)睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車(chē)上有女士站在我身邊而已。” 8：The poor husband "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可憐的丈夫 “你根本無(wú)法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友訴苦說(shuō)，“她問(wèn)我一個(gè)問(wèn)題，然后自己回答了，過(guò)后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯(cuò)的。” 9：Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父親在哪兒? 兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫(huà)。 “看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫(huà)多漂亮呀!” “是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫(huà)中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?” 哥哥想了會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫(huà)這些畫(huà)唄。” 10：Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?" 狗也知道這個(gè)諺語(yǔ)嗎? 一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。 “沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生說(shuō)，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語(yǔ)嗎：‘吠狗不咬人?！?br /> “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?” 11：Do You Know My Work? One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their nigh clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire. “Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don’t think of money when they’re afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them.” “You don’t know my work，” said the other. “What is your work?” “I’m a policeman. “Oh!” cried the first man. He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work?”“No，”said the policeman. “I’m a writer. I’m always telling stories about things that never happened.” 你知道我是干什么的嗎? 一天晚上，一家旅館失火，住在這家旅館里的人穿著睡 衣就跑了出來(lái)。 兩個(gè)人站在外面，看著大火。 “在我出來(lái)之前，”其中一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我跑進(jìn)一些房間，找到了一大筆錢(qián)。人在恐懼中是不會(huì)想到錢(qián)的。如果有人把紙幣留在火里，火就會(huì)把它燒成灰燼。所以我把我所能找到的鈔票都拿走了。沒(méi)有人會(huì)因?yàn)槲夷米咚鼈兌兊酶F?！?“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一個(gè)說(shuō)。 “你是干什么的?” “我是警察?！?br /> “噢!”第一個(gè)人喊了一聲。他靈機(jī)一動(dòng)，說(shuō)：“那你知道我是干什么的?”“不知道?！本煺f(shuō)。 “我是個(gè)作家。我總是愛(ài)編一些從未發(fā)生過(guò)的故事。” 12：Who is the laziest Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ? Jack:I don`t know ,father. Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word? Jack:Our teacher ,father. 誰(shuí)是最懶惰的 爸爸：杰克，我今天已經(jīng)和你的老師談過(guò)了，現(xiàn)在我想問(wèn)你，誰(shuí)是你們班上最懶的人? 杰克：我不知道，爸爸 爸爸：你再好好想想，當(dāng)別的同學(xué)都在讀書(shū)寫(xiě)字的時(shí)候，誰(shuí)楞在那兒僅僅是看著其他人? 杰克：是我們的老師，爸爸 13： What Is a Traitor? Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?” Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.” Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?” Father：“A convert，my son.” 什么叫叛徒? 有希望的青年人：“父親，什么叫政治叛徒?” 父親(一位老資格的政治家)：“叛徒指的是離開(kāi)我們黨而加入到另一個(gè)黨的人?！?br /> 有希望的青年人：“那么，離開(kāi)他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什么呢?” 父親：“叫改變信仰者。我的兒子?！?br /> 整理：zhl201612 |
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